have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
