I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
