What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
