the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
