Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
