I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh god it's open bar.
I wear drunk well.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
