where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
