I hate your face
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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