bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
