why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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