i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
