I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am midnight drunk by noon
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
