I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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