I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I see more hoeing in ur future
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