I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
