idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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