so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
