I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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