You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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