This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
