I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So. Much. Porn.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize