I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
