You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
