I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
