I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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