Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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