Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
