ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
