I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
