I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
