Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
