at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
