My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
