Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
