but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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