I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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