Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
