fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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