oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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