Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize