So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
