I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
