it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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