Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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