I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
