I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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