Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
