I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
whose parrot is this?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
