youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
