Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize