3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
