foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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