you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
