Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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