its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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