I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
