my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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