it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
