if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
