I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize