guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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