dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
