Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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