My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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