the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it hurts more in the daytime
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
