she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
