I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
is it fun? or sober?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
