I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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