Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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