I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
