There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Text me some of your sweat
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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