i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
