How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
