some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
