the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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