can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
