The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
