So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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