For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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